When we live with chronic illness, the relationship we have with our primary care doctor is one of the most important relationships in our lives. We rely on them to help us. But what happens if we feel the doctor is not listening to us or understanding our problems?
That leaves us feeling as though we’re not being heard. Or we feel as though we may be getting wrong, or no, treatment. And very often, we feel as though we’re not being believed. We have enough to deal with, without that.
So we need to make sure doctors do listen properly and understand exactly what we mean. Ultimately, we need to help them help us.
We might only see the doctor for a few minutes at a time and we want to make the most of that time, therefore it is crucial to do some preparation in advance
This post offers some suggestions to plan for an appointment and includes some free downloadable templates.
Seeing the doctor
When seeing a GP (family doctor), try to see the same one at each appointment, unless it’s an emergency. They’ll get to know you. They won’t need to read as much, and you don’t need to explain as much. This means more time to discuss why you are there.
Take a close friend or relative if you feel more comfortable, especially if they know your illness and how it affects you. They can possibly help explain it and they might remember to say things you forget. They’ll also help you remember what the doctor has said.
A tip from one of my blog readers – ask the doctor if you can record the conversation during the appointment. Doing this means you will be able to review it later and take in everything that was said.
Make sure your doctor knows:
- Conditions and illnesses you have
- Any inheritable conditions in your family
- Previous surgeries or serious illnesses
- Allergies, especially to meds
- Previous tests and results
Questions and lists
Write down questions you have about your condition or treatment plan. List whatever you want to discuss in order of importance. The doctor might not have time to answer everything, so make sure you deal with the most important thing first. Let the doctor see your list, because the indigestion which you listed as number four, might actually deserve first place.
Don’t be upset if your doctor can’t deal with everything while you are in their office. They often only have ten minutes for each patient (sometimes even less).
Honesty
- Be totally honest with your doctor about your lifestyle, including diet, exercise, alcohol, smoking and drugs.
- Tell them about any over the counter meds, vitamins, mineral supplements and herbal remedies you take.
- Never be too embarrassed to discuss something with your doctor – they’ve heard everything before.
- Be open with them about your emotional health. It’s no good telling your doctor you’re fine when you are struggling with stress, anxiety or depression.
- Tell the doctor about all aspects of your health, even if you think it might not be important. It could be a piece in the puzzle – the piece that ties everything else together.
The doctor wants to help you, but can only do that if they have all the information.
How to explain your condition/pain
You need to be able to explain to your doctor exactly what your problems are. That sounds simple, but it’s best to put some work into this. Let the doctor know :
- when it started if it’s a new issue
- if you’ve had this problem before
- if it comes and goes or if it’s constant
- what brings it on
- which meds help
- what makes it worse
- what makes it better
- an explanation of the type of pain – sharp, dull, aching, etc.
Be a fly on your wall
We might have symptoms which become so normal to us that we don’t think of them as symptoms. It is a good idea to look at our lives as if on the outside looking in.
Do you struggle to get out of bed in the morning or struggle to take a shower and dress? Do you live with constant fatigue? Do you rely on someone to cook a simple meal for you? Do you feel you don’t want to leave the house?
Be a fly on your own wall then explain to your doctor.
Remember – a doctor only knows what we tell them.
Keep a Pain Diary
It is often a good idea to keep a pain diary. It will give the doctor a full picture. It lets them see how well meds help, or don’t help, and can let us find pain triggers. Sometimes triggers don’t happen straight away, so a pain diary can often help us discover those things.
Click the red links below for a free pain diary template in pdf and word doc format.
Pain Diary Example word doc
Pain Diary Example pdf
Diagram
Use a diagram to show the exact location of your pain. Doing this will really help the doctor. A diagram can be as simple or as detailed as you want. I have some basic templates in the links below, but if you want a more detailed template, search online for a dermatome.
I made this diagram to explain my trigeminal neuralgia pain. It explains it much better than simply saying, “my face hurts.”
Click the red links below to download free to use templates of the body (front and back), face, head and side profile.
body, face and head templates for describing pain in pdf format
body, face and head template for describing pain in word doc format
Take notes while you’re with the doctor
We took notes in with us, but what about while we’re in there? Don’t ever be afraid to write things down. If the doctor diagnoses you with something with a strange name, you might forget it before you reach the car park, so write it down, or ask the doctor to do so. Or if they suggest a treatment or how to titrate meds, having it written down saves worry and confusion later if you can’t remember exactly what was said.
If you don’t understand something, ask the doctor to repeat it and explain it more.
Don’t leave their office not understanding something they told you.
Remember – the doctor doesn’t always know the answers
Don’t panic about this. It doesn’t mean they are a bad doctor. They can’t possibly know everything. Some conditions can be difficult to diagnose or easily confused with others. It might take time and tests to figure it out, or you might need to see a specialist.
If they can’t pinpoint the exact condition straight away, it doesn’t mean they don’t believe you.
But they should try to get answers for you – they need to treat you, test you or refer you to someone who will know more.
You are your own health advocate
We often have to be our own health advocate, push for answers and search for information, especially if we have a less known condition.
If you research your condition, take the information to your doctor and ask their opinion. Let them know you’ve looked at appropriate websites (official organisations are normally the most trustworthy and reliable sources of information). If you are asking for a specific med you’ve read about, ask for their opinion.
They are more likely to be amenable if you ask for opinions and don’t come across as if you think you know more than them.
We need them as allies, not enemies.
If you’re not getting the best from your doctor…
- explain that to them if you can so that they can perhaps remedy the situation.
- ask for a second opinion, either from another GP or a specialist
- look for another doctor if you feel that you just don’t ‘bond’ or you know you could be getting better treatment elsewhere.
Hopefully, that won’t have to happen. Hopefully, you can have a good working relationship with your doctor.
Does your doctor listen to you and really understand what you tell them? If not, I hope this post helps you. Please let me know in the comments section. And do please click the share button. Perhaps it could help some of your friends and members of support groups you belong to.
In my next post, I will be writing about meds – how to maximise the benefits and minimise the side effects. If you follow my blog, you will be notified when it’s posted.
You can also follow me on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.
Sound advice. I think doctors are usually pleased when their patients come well-prepared too.
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Yes, I agree, I think most doctors do like patients being prepared.
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These are some awesome suggestions. Our best advice for anybody going to a doctor is to learn to do as much self diagnosing as possible, so that you can answer as many questions as possible and you can advocate for yourself, since doctors are limited and human and incredibly busy. 👍🏽
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Exactly, a doctor is human and incredibly busy. I think they appreciate us doing a wee bit of groundwork.
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Great tips! I did a similar post a while ago about being more assertive because these appointments can be so difficult, and all the more challenging when faced with a doctor or specialist who doesn’t seem to be listening. Fab post 🙂
Caz xx
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Thanks Caz. And sadly, there are quite a few doctors out there who don’t listen.
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Great advice – super post!
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Thank you Catriona
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Great information! Make your doctor your allie! I’m sure they apreciate someone who goes all prepared. Is not just the doctor job to help. You have to help yourself first. Nice point of view
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Yes, we need them as allies. And a little bit of preparation can really help.
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These are all very solid tips. As someone who works in the field and has also had a family member with a chronic condition, it’s important to write things down and have someone with you. The patient often times zones out when being diagnosed and that’s when your friend or family member can make sure they’re receiving the information you need. Also, the doctors time with patients is dwindling due to health care demands. Sad but true. They do appreciate when you also are prepared. Thank you for sharing this.
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I agree, having someone with you at appointments, especially when it’s a hospital specialist appointment, is really worthwhile. Two heads are better than one..|
Doctors are really hard pushed these days time-wise, so we need to do what we can to make the most of every second.
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This is so true. I have had to switch doctors before because sometimes they just stop REALLY listening.
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There are some out there who, no matter what we do, just will not listen, so switch really is the only answer.
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Especially love the tip about bringing a list and taking notes. It’s really easy to forget the questions or symptoms you wanted to bring up. A list can help you from getting flustered too.
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Definitely – so easy to forget! (I should have added an extra tip though – remember to take the list. I sometimes forget lol)
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Thank you, it could had not come in at better timing, I will start to be better advocate for myself.
Thank you again.
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Oh, that’s good. I’m glad it’s helped.
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These are all great tips. It absolutely helps to go prepared with list of issues to discuss and tajk notes.
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Thank you. It really does.
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This is great. Really good reminders about being prepared and communicating as much information as you can. I’m going to share it with my family member who has an ongoing condition and associated pain. Thank you!
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Thank you. I hope your family member finds it helpful.
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Fabulous post especially the pain diary and template.
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Thank you. Glad you liked the pain diary and templates. Hopefully will help some people.
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There’s a lot of really great advice here. I’m going to have to come back to this post before I go to the doctor next.
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Thank you. Hope it helps
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Good advice! Taking someone else or recording the conversation can be so helpful. Plus, preparing your own notes and questions ahead of time and taking them with you works so well.
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Thanks. It really does make a difference.
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Thoughtful advice. We always have an impression that doctors will know everything about our sickness or problems. Till we don’t explain and clear our situation they won’t be able to help you. A perfect article.
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That’s it exactly – they only know what we tell them.
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Thank you for the pain PDF’s. I will definitely use them when I see my new movement disorder specialist in 2 weeks!
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Hi Michele, I hope they help! Thanks for stopping by and leaving me a comment.
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